how to stop having a favorite person


I always expected John to be honest with me, but I wasn’t honest in return. Having a favorite person isn’t always easy.

I need that reassurance that I am OK. If you can’t do everything and you don’t want to do everything, you don’t have to.

But when he would ask me if I was OK or what was wrong, I’d lie almost every time because I was scared he wouldn’t understand, or he’d judge me. You probably won’t be told that you are their FP. I went from being completely infatuated and obsessed with her, to thinking she was toxic and manipulative. You may constantly be referred to for advice for everything — from the very small to the huge. Well, that’s interesting. Happy new year to you as well! If I sensed he … I never thought I will have a favorite person. If you want to stop thinking about and caring about someone, cut her out of your life.

I understand in theory how it should feel like, but I'm completely desperate. I always expected John to be honest with me, but I wasn’t honest in return. When you are an FP, there is very little you can do that we perceive as wrong. If you can’t do everything and you don’t want to do everything, you don’t have to. Having someone like that really gives you the strength to push yourself forward, but the dependency is awful. This way, I have things to tell him about when I do see him again. It appears you entered an invalid email. It’s not really your choice.

This is where you step in.

I give myself some days or weeks of just focusing on me. Hoping it gets better later!

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NEVER MAKE ASSUMPTIONS. Oops!

I personally do a lot of "self talk". Jealousy is a big thing people with BPD have to deal with because when we feel, we feel completely.

You need to look after you first and any aggressive behavior isn’t safe, nor fair, for you. I used to just fly off the handle without a second thought and it would almost always end up in an argument. I get so attached and infatuated with a certain person so fast. It’ll be something you figure out in time. But, as much as the person who has the mental illness matters, so do you. As a result, we do a lot of stuff that isn’t exactly healthy. I love her but I’ve hurt her because of these extremes and I want to stop too. 3. Common with borderline personality disorder (BPD), it’s often that someone has a minimum of one FP, but a person can have many. However, it can get annoying. It takes up every cell of our being and it’s impossible to do anything else but that. If you can’t do everything and you don’t want to do everything, you don’t have to. © If there is silence and there has been some form of altercation, and I can’t logically think of a reason why they aren’t angry with me, so I’ll assume they hate me. Amazon Follow enables you to stay up to date with the people, brands, and interests that you care about on Amazon.. You may receive relevant updates about the people, brands, and interests that you follow.. You can manage the people you follow on Your Profile.. Having a long term best friend, ghosting them, meet someone new, distance myself, repeat. Wether you just find a new job, a new hobby, a new friend... that is better than clinging to one person and expect them to save you from everything. Borderline Personality Disorder and the Favorite Person 1.

So, don’t expect a beautifully written letter in calligraphy informing you of your FP status. I don't know if I can learn being my own person. It’s exhausting though, having to go through so many emotional hoops.

You can do no wrong… except perhaps this…. Either sending a few extra messages or asking when you do respond if you love or like them, perhaps even if you are mad at them. 2020 Mighty Proud Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. And, to be fair, it isn’t the other person’s choice either. Recently, I’ve been stuck without an FP, but I’ve also been an FP which is a weird sensation for someone with BPD. others? I went from being completely infatuated and obsessed with her, to thinking she was toxic and manipulative. This also means avoiding websites that talk about this fictional world. Sometimes, I misjudge situations. We eventually became friends on social media and began to talk more. One of the people I ask if they are mad at me all the time gets super frustrated, but I can’t tell. At the end of the day, the most important person to you is you and that’s what you need to focus on. But that wasn’t healthy for either of us. Others, however, will be subtle. I'm currently in the process to understand how destructive the whole thing can be.

Having a long term best friend, ghosting them, meet someone new, distance myself, repeat. This is the most important one to me for a simple reason: We are both human. I guess that means a behaviorist or DBT therapist. Spending time together with other people has really helped my friendship with John for a couple of reasons. 1. If you live with BPD (also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder or EUPD), love or have been affected by someone who has it, or wish to discuss the disorder for any other reason, you're welcome here as long as you're kind to others to the best of your ability. With this in mind, I created my own ‘golden rules’ for keeping my FP friendship healthy: Spending too much time with anyone isn’t healthy. I know from being an FP that I did everything I could to be there for them.

It soon stopped being a fun friendship and became almost obsessive. But, my friendship with John is now stronger and healthier than I ever thought possible. A simple reassurance to say that you do love them helps in ways that most probably don’t understand. This is where you step in. I’d see him at social gathering and we’d have the occasional chat, but nothing of any real depth. I started relying too much on the members for support and then felt passive aggressive tensions rising from members who don't understand how to recognize my psychotic states. I’ve also been able to rebuild and strengthen friendships with our other friends that had been neglected in recent months. I’ve been more aware of my emotions and actions lately, and I see it coming with my current best friend. I ask why I like this person. Jealousy is a big thing people with BPD have to deal with because when we feel, we feel completely.

Possibly finding a way around this, maybe messaging that you won’t be contactable at these times and making sure you have set times for yourself is probably one of the best ways to achieve this, to avoid miscommunication for all parties. I can de-escalate my instinct to start an argument, stop myself saying something I don’t mean and generally come back with a much more logical response. Thank you thank you thank you for this. |

I would get really distressed when John would cancel plans. Firstly, I focus less intensely on him when there are others around. If I knew how to just stop...I would... you dont. This is a very grown-up way to deal with it. ... 3. I’d get jealous when he spent time with our other friend. Also, I’ve always wanted an older brother who I can share my secrets with and talk to every day and annoy every day. I didn’t want to lose this friendship completely but I also needed to find ways to control the impact it had on me.

It’ll just suddenly happen as your relationship (be it platonic or not) grows. Congratulations!

Ugh. But don't actively repeat your mistakes. I can get so caught up in how I feel in the moment I overlook the rational and head straight for impulsive reactions. Having a clear plan of when we are going to spend time together helps me plan stuff to do to keep my mind busy when he isn’t around and make the most of the time we do spend together.

I know it's hard and scary to be your own person sometimes but it's a lot healthier! Put in boundaries, saying what you are comfortable talking about/helping with and what you aren’t. However, I now use the time we spend apart to go out and do things instead of wallowing in my sadness. It started to have a massive impact on my moods and eventually began to impact on my relationship with my fiancé. At the end of the day, the most important person to you is. Have floating favorites Another tip from Dr. Newman is to become cognizant of how you act towards all your kids and to shift your attention from one to the other, at different times.

But instead of beating myself up or being angry with him, we talk about whatever has happened, draw a line under it, forgive and wipe the slate clean. For example, sometimes John would make a joke I didn’t notice was meant in humor.

I’ve been more aware of my emotions and actions lately, and I see it coming with my current best friend. Especially if they do or say things to trigger me.

Make sure that before you take care of someone else, you are able to take care of you too.

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